Sigh

This summer has been rough (understatement of the year). Starting at the end of May, in fairly close succession, we had our debit card numbers stolen (again), our upstairs bathtub cracked and leaked through the downstairs ceiling, and our laptop died a sudden death. It took almost a whole month for the damage to our house to be dried out and repaired. The very day after they were finally done, I went in for my 38 week appointment. There was no heartbeat. An ultrasound confirmed that our baby was gone. We went to the hospital later that day. I delivered Gary Louis at 1 the next morning and we buried him the next Monday. Just over a week from that, on my birthday, Patrick collapsed in the parking lot of Walmart due (we later found out) to an acute attack of multiple sclerosis. Oh, and my cellphone had fallen in the toilet the day before that.

Needless to say, it's been pretty hard to cope with everything. Sometimes I feel like there is just so much pressing down on me it's hard to breathe let alone function. I've had to give up my plans and preparations. I miss my baby. I worry for Patrick.

We have had incredible blessings too. In the hospital, we were able to hold our baby. I was blessed to be able to see Gary as he really was and not how his little body looked. We felt him later in the temple and were given reassurance that he is with God. I have felt strength and peace that was not from me, but that I know came from the prayers of so many friends and family. People have helped us out with little things and big. Patrick's employer has been wonderfully accommodating and kind.

I'm sorry for the downer post. I promise the next one will be better.